Quiet or Quit ???

It has been quiet from my voice or have I quit?

I have been absent in the sense of the expected.  I have not been absent or quiet from the yearning, the learning, the living. Oh not at all!

Not being one who harbors unresolved explanations of the current situations to the extreme (HA what a mouth full) but one who tires others in my constant reflection (welcome to a Pisceans world), of how best to be, I must admit that the world carries on without us.

Like all of us I have been involved with the daily aspects of living.  Gratitude abounds for the myriad of interactions in my day.  Be it work, supporting clients, training for a 1/2 marathon, or the necessary gathering of food, bills, and housing, my day is often beset with distractions.  Being fortunate that alone time makes up most of my day, I can reflect upon the different ways to enrich my life.  

Growing up I would become overwhelmed quickly with any task that required complicated explanations of how to go about completing them.  In other words, I would go TWILT with too much sensory overload.  The simpler the explanation, the cleaner the directions, the quicker I accomplished the necessary steps and moved on.  I was besieged in school with the label of 'lacks the ability to follow directions'. Perhaps to them but I got everything done. Maybe not how they viewed it should be but I completed the requirements none-the-less.   

I had thoughts of quitting.  Silencing my voice so I fit in the crowd.  Giving in to the demands to do it their way to end the overload. What happened when I ventured to be just one-more female? It suffocated me and drove me to shrivel inside.  It left me frantic. I spent more time away from people, taking my introvertism deeper.  I wasn't happy and I began to dislike myself.

Without realizing it, I found ways to deflect the constant desire by the nun's and other adults for me to mold myself into their idea of how a young girl should be in the world.  It took me many years to learn that outbursts, no matter the reason, were not allowed in school, home or church. I found my escape outdoors. Creativity was flush out there away from the demands of the 'adult' world.  Over time I learned how and when to share my outbursts.  Slowly I discovered my way of being in the world.

Did I set out purposely, with a 10-point plan to recreate my world as it existed?  Can't say early on that I consciously did.  Because I was young and I listened to the sweet quiet voice that still spoke to me, I found I could sometimes boldly stepped forward.  When I couldn't hear the sweetness from my fear I became meek and frightened.  Whatever the situation, I moved forward, I never quit moving often swallowing my fear but moving just the same.  I might have been quiet, but there was a resoluteness to my daily step, a stubborn turn of my chin that rode on beside me bringing me to adulthood.

When you reflect upon your childhood, do you take the time to notice the courage, the desire, the divine spark that rested deep within you?  Or do you only remember the 'good' times and the 'disappointing' times?  Can you peak a little deeper into those moments?  Are you willing to honestly see the mixture of wisdom and cavalier spite? Try not to dissect to the point of no return in your reflection.  Do take the time to sift through the illusion of childhood.  Upon closer inspection is great wisdom working beside you to develop your soul path?  

We are not innocent bystanders in this journey.  We are constantly co-creating for our higher good.  Some of our creations we think may lack a bit of substance and appear to be better suited to the junk pile.  Look closer!  There is wisdom and empowerment in failure.  Take time to deeply reflect upon your childhood memories.  Yes there is sweetness but what else?  Can you see the wise one deep within?  Is what you remember after reflection useful today?  Have you forgotten that the connection you felt so freely to your divinity as a child is still accessible?  Can you bring that child's knowingness of their divinity to you today?  Take a moment and go back to that time when you knew without a doubt and reconnect.  Embrace you in that moment.  Give them a seat at your table.  Allow them to show you why they never doubted.  Laugh with them and feed your divine spark.

The stubborn turn of my chin has been a cornerstone to my soul path.  That stubborn marching child, refusing to give up her will, has walked me through many harrowing experiences, and allowed me to meet some of the most amazing souls this lifetime.  I can guarantee you, she ain't going nowhere soon!  How about you?

Oh the joys of ...Traveling on .....

Teri ~ The Soul Traveler

Sometimes ...

It has been a while since I have felt strong enough to write, not because I have been sick or frightened. Lately so much has been asked of me to contemplate, resolve, experience, rebuild, create oh hell just to be!

I often run from what Spirit asks of me.  Oh yeah, I do.  It becomes a game of hide and seek, you know that one we learned to perfection as children.  Little did we know it had a bigger purpose. HA!

It wasn't yesterday that I started on this journey of living my life how I wanted to live it.  Oh no, I have done tons and I mean tons of work on healing the wounding that took place in my 'growing up years' and even to today.  Yet I always knew that as damaged as society tried to make me think I was, I wasn't .... LOL not even.

One could go on about damage and loving yourself.  I could tell you stories that would raise your eyebrows but why?  We all hold stories of damage but we seldom share stories of recover of self. Why don't we?  No one comes out of this life not having experienced collateral damage. No one!  And all of us can discover our true self and the deep divine love held within that discovery.

We all can leave this lifetime with the understanding of and living from our true self.  I am not like you however I am exactly like you.  You bleed, I bleed. You cry, I cry. You get angry, I can get angry. I laugh, you laugh. I need, you need.  I am you, you are me!

Sometimes we are each other ~ laughing and crying. In our hurry to just Be, we forget to stop and let go.  We forget to see the other person.  Our reluctance to embrace self-love, self-acceptance, and self-nurturing builds a world around us that reflects the wounding from believing others opinions. From not believing in our ability to love and be the divinity we relish our world pains us.  

We are all gifted to understand the inner workings of the magic of life yet often we forget to see, hear, and reach out to those who know our value.  Inside there is an urging that says I am you, You are me!

On February 26, 2016, I turned 63 years old and at exactly 4:16pm MST I was gifted another birth certificate that said, "Congratulations you are an Irish citizen."  Think about it.

I am you reborn, You are me reborn.  There is always time for rebirth.

Let's celebrate!

Traveling on ~

The Soul Traveler

teetering and tottering .... the between season

The Spring Equinox was officially a happening a few days back and yet for so many places the burst and fanfare has not arrived.  If you are truthful there are signs that winter is giving way to spring.  Look around and truly see.

What is the power of these between seasons?  What can we learn from it?  Where can it take us?  In our rush to move from the introspection of winter to the burst of spring and trying out our new insights do we miss the opportunity of stretching into the dance?  If you were to pause for a time and lay out all your new sparkling insights what dance would unfold?

This winter has been filled with transitional insights for me.  I went from a 9-5-work week with spillover weekends filled to the brim to days devoid of any obligations.  I struggled with finding my rhythm in this cacophony of ideas.  Each day would bring with it a new insight of how I tick internally, what spiritual practice unlocked the deepest me, and which identity wasn't me.  After four full months I can say the Between Season, teetering and tottering is becoming a favorite.  

The long nights of winter gave me the opportunity to sit in the quiet dark space.  From there I watched the movie of what had been me for over 20+ years.  The movie had drama, crime, romance, and several comedic moments played by distinguished characters all with the same last name.  Several months were spent in the cutting room, deleting scenes no longer real, deflecting urges to keep the status quo, fights over keeping to the "real" story, and embracing the right to let go.  Soon the quiet dark space was lit and the urge to push through and move out into the world with what I knew took center stage.  Was it really time for this discovery to take the stage?  Was there still incubation to be done?  What about more of more?  

To be honest I love spring, the deep rich scents of life rebirthing, the starkness of winter being danced into light, songs bursting forth from the long silence and the lingering heat from a sun long dormant.

What I have discovered is there is another lesser known season, the Between Season.  It happens 4 times a year, slips by during the midst of much moaning and holds so many jewels.

I decided to pause, peak, and play with this Between Season.  What I found amazed me.  
Taking my sparkling insights I laid them all out in the morning sun that tangoed with the clouds. I watched as they began to morph into speckled blue eggs, dark brown seeds, and molten moss.  Guided by the natural flow of the snow and rain, I placed the seeds deep into the moss covering them with the eggs.  Opening the door a breeze came to tweak and ruffle these new insights, causing me to notice the seed dangling from beneath as an egg rolled precariously towards the edge.  At that moment I realized my rush to open the door to release my insights into the world was premature.  In my haste I would have lost an insight still needing time to find its place before embarking.  

The dark insightful spaces of winter allow us to gather, reflect and nurture ourselves.  It is not really a scary, unforgiving time.  Our ancestors used this time wisely drawing upon it for renewal, reflection, and a deeper connection to Source.  They did look forward to the springtime yet they knew it was best to not rush forward.  They used the Between Seasons.  We can use them.  As you find yourself drawn to toss away the extra blankets, heavy sweaters and reflective time ask if it is really time.  Does your sparkling insights need more discovery?  Are they ready to birth?  Can this longer sunlight shine upon another insight you missed?

Spring is a season of rebirth.  You cannot birth anything that you have not planted, nurtured and embraced.  Use this time to prepare the soil, nests, and you for the birthing that will soon come.  Give it permission to find its rhythm, releasing the identity to rush allows for deeper discovery.  Find the beauty in the simple tiny hint that transition is happening and will carry your insights to a full and brilliant life.  Ask with honesty what have you left back in the dark winter?  Is there yet another opportunity to revive a wildness and nurture it to full bloom?  Can your identity rebirth who you really are?

The Between Season asks us to pause, gather, quench and allow all that we have discovered in our winter reflection to find its own rhythm of birth and rebirth.  There will be time to rejoice in the first sprouts.  Be mindful.  Allow the pause, the between, the rhythm of the teeter totter.   Discover that who you are is the brilliance of spring.

xoxoxo ~ The Soul Traveler